Relationship Talks: What Women Do Wrong

Image at: blackandmarriedwithkids.com

It’s suicide for any man that talks about what he thinks women do wrong. I’m fully aware of this and I accept the fact that I have now become a lightning rod (smile). I’m aware that some women would not even entertain the possibility of being wrong, let alone read about it. They would much prefer to talk about how much trouble that guys give. It is true that guys are part of the reason why they do some of the wrong things that they do. But that has become an excuse to continue doing the wrong things so I decided to approach this in a different manner.

In case you’ve never heard this before ladies, “you are not perfect.” I would like to invite you for a moment to put your ideas about what men do wrong and focus on what you do wrong. I will address the men in the following post, but right now let’s talk about you. Guys, feel free to express your grievances in a respectful manner. It is important to have dialogue on these issues instead of having two opposite sides sit in their corners and throw rocks at each other.

Before I begin I would like to bring some attention to a woman’s background. You see, to some extent we all are byproducts of our parents and our surroundings–past and present. However, we are not limited to these things. I brought up this point to bring focus to the fact that a woman might have been raised a certain way, or grew up in a certain place where the type of behavior that she is exhibiting is considered normal, or shall we say acceptable. Therefore the way she act is a manifestation of that upbringing and not entirely her fault. Does it mean that she can’t change? No, it just means that if she has identified this as being the cause of some of the stuff that she does wrong, she can make the decision to act in ways that are contrary to what is normal for her. Overtime the new way will become the permanent way.

So what exactly do women do wrong? Can they be corrected? The old saying says, “where there is a will, there is a way.” Things can’t change if no one is interested in a change.

Talking Bad About Guys

Sometimes when women get together, makeup and fashion are not the only things in the list for small talk. Women often time spend a long period of time doing what I call “Devaluing the Male,” talking bad about guys. These type of conversations can also be found in Christian circles. Gossiping is considered acceptable female behavior by society at large and so it seems that Christian women find nothing wrong with doing so. In fact if guys were to complain about it, they would be told to “man up,” as if there is something manly about sitting around being dissed.

This needs to change. You shouldn’t be talking bad about people whether they are males or females. There are more constructive things to do with the time and the ability to speak that God gave you. There has got to be something better out there then gathering together and bad mouthing people. If you’re in a relationship then there should be such a level of trust between you and that person where they don’t have to worry about going outside and hearing stories. If you broke up with somebody spreading stories about them won’t make you feel better, you are actually showing everyone what type of person you are.

Getting Angry and Picking Fights

Some women seem to think that the best way to contribute to the prosperity of a relationship is by picking fights. Sometimes they pick fights over the smallest issues. It’s as if they don’t feel comfortable unless an argument has taken place. Many a relationship is destroyed because of stupid arguments. Disagreements can be handled in a civilize manner, there is no need for all the anger and yelling that goes on. The real damage is being done to the ones who are always angry, slowing setting themselves up for future health problems.

There is nothing fascinating about a woman that is always angry. Eventually everyone will realize that the person has major psychological issues that were never treated. It’s best to seek ways to deal with those things instead of brushing them off as insignificant. Ladies, being constantly rude, aggressive, angry and arrogant is not a good thing.

Flirting with Other People

Women like to feel like they are the jewels in the eyes of the guy that they are with. There is nothing wrong with that. But some of them are not satisfied with the attention that they get from the guy that they are with and so they look for attention from other guys. They may not even be interested in being with the person, they just want the person to look their way to confirm their belief that they are attractive. They feel good about being wanted by others. Their boyfriend can be standing right next to them and they are locking eyes with a guy. For what? Attention.

When this happens the boyfriend looks like an idiot. He is dating a girl that has so little respect for him that she would flirt with someone right in front of him. There are some girls that won’t do it in front of you but behind your back. They are the biggest flirts in the world when the boyfriends aren’t around. Though many see flirting as harmless, it’s actually a signal to the person that they are flirting with that they are interested. We all know this, but we lie to make it seem as if that is not the case.

Everything is harmless till it happens to you.

Emphasis on Materialism

Some women may talk as if they have it all together but in reality they don’t. They may act like they know what they want but it’s a cover up. There is nothing more irritating then a woman that doesn’t know what she wants. She is interested in the guy one day and not the next. It seems that a guy’s clothing, car, or even haircut is so pivotal that their feelings for him can change with the disappearance of those things. It only means that they didn’t have any feelings for the guy in the first place.

It’s easy to spot. They will treat guys different base on what they are wearing or whether or not they have a haircut. The worst part is that some of them actually think that guys are so dumb that they don’t notice the change in treatment.

Conclusion

And that’s the conclusion of the matter for now. There is much more that I could of said but it’s best to stick with the fundamentals. Feel free leave comments about any other points that you think should be address. I do plan to do one for the guys, so don’t think that this is an attack on women.

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Relationship Talks: Starting With Me

Image at: takingoverthaworld.ning.com/group/dating

Everywhere you go you hear people talking about relationships, especially young people. This is a positive thing because they are expressing their desire to be with and see others in serious and joyful partnerships–I’m not using that word in a business sense. However it can be negative if it becomes the sole focus at the expense of other important matters, such as one’s relationship with God, studying for school, etc.

Since everybody has been sharing the positives and negatives of their experiences, I thought I would take a crack at it. Usually, only experts are invited to speak on a subject, but in the domain of relationships, there are no experts. There are only people who are doing better than others, and even they can’t claim to be doing it perfect 100% of the time. This is the beginning of my series on relationships. I will be speaking within a Christian frame of mind (worldview), seeing that I am one, however, this is not a biblical treatment of the issue so don’t expect to see biblical quotes.

Sometimes things are best understood when you start with personal experience. Lessons are not only learned from the right way of doing things, wrong ways are consistent reminders of our handicaps and that there is no such thing as a super human. A great fault of the human mind is the ever increasing danger of viewing some that we respect and look up to as super heroes, incapable of error, in fact, infallible. Then when things go wrong our world comes crashing down.

Courting, Dating, Oh My!

The best place to start is to tell you of the only reason that I think one should enter a relationship. The only reason that you should enter a relationship is if you intend to marry the person one day. Now there has been a lot of fuss made over the word dating and how courting should be used instead, and I agree. But my real concern is not with your vocabulary but with your understanding. You can call it dating, courting, or whatever you want. The essential is that once you enter into the domain of relationship with someone you should have marriage in mind.

Have I always thought like that? No. In fact, I don’t know of many that do. I came to that knowledge through bible study. Even with the best intentions I wasn’t perfect in the practical application of these studies, but the end of the matter still remains to be seen since I’m not married or in a relationship at this time. What was the result? Trouble, complaining, rivalries, bitterness, any word that you can think of that describes people at odds. So my current motto is, “if you won’t marry them, don’t bother.” I don’t know about you, but that is the way it will be with me.

Don’t Believe the Myths, Beauty Counts

In Christianity, especially, there is a devaluation of beauty. If you hear enough sermons on how to pick a mate you might draw the conclusion yourself that Adam and Eve were two very ugly people. In fact you might think that the Bible doesn’t talk about beauty at all. Often times, these speakers are married to or dating beautiful people. I’m not saying that beauty is the most important factor in your evaluation of potential mates, but I argue that it shouldn’t be too far from the top. Anyone that you will have to spend the rest of your life living with should be attractive to you.

It is important to also realize that the person you’re attracted to may not be attractive to your friends and family. This shouldn’t detour you, seeing that you’re the one who has to live with them. Not everyone is attracted to the same person. If we all looked the same then that would of been possible, but we don’t. So I don’t judge people’s decision, nor do I allow people to judge mine. You like what you like, it doesn’t get any simpler than that. This is not to say that a family’s counsel is not important.

I also can’t fail to mention that we have a variety, a range of people that we are attracted to. For example, I happen to think that Shakira is gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think the same thing of Beyonce. Do they look the same? No, but I think that both of them are attractive. In the same way we may find several people attractive, but fortunately that is not the only criteria with which we make our choices.

Personality and Belief System

The first thing you see when you meet somebody is what they look like. However, this is not the only thing that you will notice, you will get a glimpse of their personality. As time goes by you will get to know them more and more and will be able to determine whether or not you are attracted to their personality. You may meet someone with a personality that you like but see them more as friends. Personality is one half of the most important factor in choosing someone. Of course from a Christian point of view, God’s counsel must be sought throughout all aspects of the process.

The other weighty factor to consider is the person’s belief system. Since I’m a Seventh-day Adventist, I believe that it is highly beneficial to find someone who has that same belief system. It’s not a matter of right and wrong, it’s a matter of compatibility. A union with no ideological foundations will either shatter or drag on with minimum proficiency. If I claim to be an Adventist but don’t live like one then someone who does live like an Adventist shouldn’t consider me because I don’t share their beliefs.

There was a point in my life when I didn’t care too much about being a Christian and so I dated people who weren’t Christians. I wasn’t uncomfortable in these relationships because we were in sync. To spend a long period of time hanging out and doing things with someone, there has to be more there below the surface. When I got serious, I didn’t see the same kind of people as relationship partners anymore because we were living different lifestyles.

After typing over a thousand words, I think I should take a break for now and allow you to give some feedback on the points presented. Don’t forget to sign my guest book.